Help Kids Cope with Change

Change is a fact of life. There will always be times when children and their parents have to deal with uncertainty, change, and other challenges. This may cause stress and anxiety in children at any age. Consider these tips to help children -- from toddlers to teens and in between -- navigate change, and the uncertainty and other challenges that may come with it, with resilience. 

Talk with Your Child

A child may misinterpret what he or she sees and hears and can be anxious about things they do not understand. The first step is to talk with your child about his or her feelings and questions, provide information and help your child make sense of the situation in a way that is honest, appropriate, accurate, and minimizes anxiety or fear.

• Create an environment in which your child feels secure about sharing the thoughts and emotions that matter to him or her. Provide your child with opportunities to talk about what he or she thinks and feels. You may need to be the one to start the conversation.
• Explore your child's thoughts, feelings and beliefs and correct any misconceptions. Encourage your child to share concerns and ask questions. Let your child know it is okay to feel anxious or upset about what is happening and the uncertainty around the future outcome.
• Tailor the message. Tailor the conversation to your child's level of maturity and understanding. Children of different ages -- or even different children of the same age -- need different information, have different sensitivities and require a different vocabulary. In most cases, it's usually best to keep explanations short, simple and straightforward. If you have more than one child you may want to talk to them separately and tailor your explanations to their individual developmental levels. This will also allow each to talk about issues and questions specific to them without being inhibited or interrupted by other sibling(s).
• Be encouraging, supportive and positive. Don't try to avoid topics because you are uncomfortable, unsure of the answer or don't have time to have the discussion. If you can't address the question right at that moment that's okay. You might say something like "That's a really good question and I think it's important for us to talk about it, but now is not the best time." Suggest a time that you can talk and follow through. If you don't have an answer, be honest about it, but try to find out, and when you do, make sure you tell your child. You might say something like "That's an interesting question, but I'm not sure what the answer is at the moment. Hopefully I will know soon and when I do, I'll let you know."
• Listen. Listening carefully to your child builds self-esteem by reinforcing that your child, and his or her thoughts and feelings, is important. Listening, and responding to what your child is saying, can help you get a feel for what he or she thinks or feels about an issue, what he or she knows and can be a path to discussions.
• Be honest. Give your child straightforward and honest information and address all the issues you can. Honesty builds trust. Avoidance -- in whole or in part -- can lead a child to seek answers from another source, which may not be accurate, or to make up his or her own answers. You don't have to give every single detail, but cover the important points.
• Be patient. Allow your child to talk without interruption until he or she gets to the point. It may take your child a few minutes to state what is really on his or her mind. It may be tempting to jump in and move the conversation along more quickly, but resist and let your child set a pace that's comfortable for him or her. Your child may need some time to absorb and reflect on what he or she has learned. Let some time pass, then revisit the issue. This will allow you the opportunity to answer any additional questions.

Be a Role Model

Children take their cues from their parents and other important adults around them. You may be affecting them by your own responses to situations and challenges. When adults are calm, confident and constructive in addressing challenges, children feel secure and learn by example to respond to challenges constructively.

• Model resilience. Adults who demonstrate an active coping style – constructively facing challenges, working to solve a problem and accepting the emotions that stress brings— develop strong support systems that help increase feelings of self-worth and keep problems in perspective. People who are resilient provide a stronger support system for their children. Plus, children learn by example how to respond resiliently when they are faced with challenges such as uncertainty and change.
• Model a healthy lifestyle. People who eat right, are fit, rested, and relaxed can better respond to stressors such as uncertainty and change. Show your child that you live in a healthy way, so that he or she can learn from you. Set a good example with healthy lifestyle choices, such as eating healthy, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, and avoiding drugs and alcohol.

Teach Coping Skills

Most children need help learning how to manage their emotions. Encourage your child to calm down or let out extra energy by trying some of the ideas below:

• Take several deep breaths
• Write in a journal
• Stomp his or her feet
• Rub a worry stone
• Do jumping jacks
• Run laps outside
• Hug a stuffed animal
• Listen to music
• Scream into or punch a pillow
• Rip paper
• Snap bubble wrap
• Play a sport
• Bounce a ball
• Go for a walk
• Read a book
• Take a bath or shower
• Draw a picture, color a picture, doodle or make a collage
• Talk to a friend or family member
• Get a hug or have someone hold his or her hand
• Mold clay
• Lie down
• Think of a peaceful place
• Wrap him or herself in a blanket

Reduce Anxiety/Stress

In addition to the strategies provided above, the following tips can help you manage potential anxiety and stress in your child:

• Maintain structure and routines. Kids handle uncertainty and change best if they have solid foundation of routine and structure to give them a sense of security. Try to keep daily life as normal as possible and follow regular routines, structure and traditions such as bed time, learning time, chores, family meals, active time, time with friends and events such as holidays and birthdays–even if some adjustments need to be made. Structure and routine create a feeling of security and set expectations for both children and adults.
• Reassure your child. Assure your child that you will be there to take care of him or her, and that authorities are doing everything possible to help respond to the situation, keep everyone safe, and prevent future occurrences.
• Encourage self-reliance. While your child may need some reassurance, it is important to empower children to do things to take care of themselves and others. This will promote self-confidence and a sense of having some control during a time of uncertainty and change.
• Monitor media exposure. Hearing about the events repeatedly can escalate your child’s anxiety. Limit the amount of time your child spends watching, reading, or listening to news stories, including those on social media, and monitor the information your child is getting to ensure it is accurate and aligns with your values.

Monitor Your Child’s Emotional Wellbeing

Check in regularly with your child to see how he or she is feeling. Your child’s emotions may vary as the start of school draws closer and begins, or if changes occur as the situation evolves. Watch for behavior changes in your child that may indicate he or she is having difficulties coping. Not all children and teens respond to stress in the same way. Some common changes to watch for include:

• Excessive crying or irritation in younger children.
• Returning to behaviors they have outgrown (for example, toileting accidents or bedwetting).
• Excessive worry or sadness.
• Unhealthy eating or sleeping habits.
• Irritability and “acting out” behaviors in teens.
• Poor school performance or avoiding school.
• Difficulties with attention and concentration.
• Avoidance of activities enjoyed in the past.
• Unexplained headaches or body pain.
• Use of alcohol, tobacco, or other drugs.

If these behaviors persist and/or disrupt your child’s daily routine, it may indicate that your child is having difficulty coping. If so, seek professional help from a mental health professional.

Source: LifeCare