The unpleasant co-worker

Every office has one: That one person who rubs everyone the wrong way; is uncooperative, unpleasant and disagreeable. You get the picture. There is no magic spell that can turn him or her into Prince or Princess Charming, but there are some strategies you can try that might help make working with this person less stressful.

  • You are all on the same team. Despite your differences, you do rely on each other and are thrown together on a daily basis to achieve joint goals. So, if you first try to think of your work unit as a team, and the unpleasant person as part of that team for better or for worse, then you are one step closer towards finding harmony.
  • Do you know his or her "story"? You may not know the real story behind your coworker's unpleasantness. I t could be that he or she does not have your skills or ability to cope with stresses and problems in life, problems that you may know nothing about. There may be a very good explanation for the chip being carried on his or her shoulder. This does not excuse the behavior, but may explain it or make it easier to live with.
  • Don't take it personally. Ignore any unpleasant behavior that is exhibited when you can, and keep the lines of communication open. When this worker realizes that he or she is not getting a rise out of you, he or she may tire of the effort and "settle down." When the person realizes that regardless of what is said or done, you are still open and positive with him or her, you may gradually notice a change in the way he or she deals with you.
  • Maintain your own dignity. Continue to treat this coworker with respect. It is not up to you to be judge and jury and decide his or her worthiness. The fact that he or she is a coworker means that you should remain pleasant and honest with this person. Don't talk behind his or her back. Keep your own communications and interaction with him or her friendly and respectful.
  • Live and let live. Don't expect this coworker, or any other person for that matter, to work in the same manner as you or be the same as you in other ways. Everybody is different. What you may see as laziness might simply be a more laid-back, relaxed approach to work and life, or it may be a lack of confidence or a fear of failure holding your coworker back. Observe him or her discreetly to see if this is the case. Maybe an offer to help would work wonders.
  • Make an effort. If your coworker seems suspicious with your "new" attempts to build a better working relationship and asks you why you're acting differently, you can deflect any potential new problems by turning it around and saying something like, "I thought perhaps I may have been a little difficult to work with, and I'm trying to be better." Even if you've been an absolute angel and the unpleasant coworker has been the "bad guy" all along, this type of response will not make matters worse and may, in fact, cause your coworker to ponder his or her own shortcomings and make an effort to be nicer.
  • Make the person feel worthy. You never know, this coworker may be intimidated by you, your age (or your youth) or experience. Try including your coworker in projects and ask for his or her opinions. You don't have to use the suggestions, but the simple act of asking and sincerely considering them will make your coworker feel better about him or herself. Many times, these troublesome coworkers are lashing out for reasons they perhaps don't quite understand themselves.
  • Look for common ground. Look at the way you interact with others in your department or organization and compare this with your interactions with the troublesome coworker. Chances are, a pattern of unpleasantness has been established that neither of you are consciously aware of.  Try to find things you may have in common that will permit friendly small talk. Even an opening question about a sports game that was held on the weekend may help, provided you both support the same team!
  • Keep your sense of humor. Remember, you don't have to marry this person; just work with him or her. Try instilling a little humor into uncomfortable situations rather than reacting defensively, aggressively or emotionally.
  • You could try the direct approach. Just come straight out and say, "Okay, this has gone on long enough. Let's bury the hatchet and start over." In the same breath, you might suggest lunch together.
  • Or, you could just ignore the person. It's not your responsibility to "save" this coworker, If all else fails, and if simple remedies have no effect, it may be necessary to simply ignore this coworker's unpleasantness and only deal with him or her when necessary.
  • Call in the "Big Guns." However, if things are so unpleasant that you're thinking of quitting, then maybe you need to have management step in. Maybe a strong word from upper management will have a more immediate effect than anything you can do or say, especially if your coworker is a real bully or very unpleasant to work with every day.
  • Never play his or her game. Whatever you do, never resort to name-calling, insults, sarcasm or use any of the types of tools your coworker has in his or her arsenal to fling at you. Refuse to buy into your coworker's "game." It is his or her game, not yours!

 

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